Pregnant with Cancer

Warning: Stop reading right here if you don't like hearing people complain.

So blunt, I know (And borderline over-dramatic).

I don't like talking about it much, but yesterday was a little overwhelming as I received some unwanted news from my doctor. Right now, I really don't care if it's an over-share, I just need to vent and process my thoughts (writing has always helped me with this.)

Yesterday, my endocrinologist expressed that she was worried about a nodule that was found in one of my routine ultrasounds a little while ago (before I found out I was pregnant). We put a hold on any further tests or treatment when we found out I was expecting, so we could take care of the baby (which is obviously my priority). I always feel a little down when I receive bad news concerning my cancer (although I should be used to it by now), just because I can't help but feel a sense of helplessness, and because I always have to put the rest of my life on hold. It took three and a half years to get my TSH at a desirable level, and I have had to undergo radiation treatment twice. (During radiation treatment, I have to go into isolation for about a week.) Oh, and did I forget to mention that I also have Hashimotos? Yeah.

With my cancer history, I see my endocrinologist twice a month (including blood work) to monitor my TSH (thyroid-stimulating hormone) and ensure that it's at a safe level for the baby. My hormone levels during pregnancy have to be suppressed so the cancer doesn't grow, and this puts me in danger of being hypothyroid during pregnancy. She also just increased the dosage of my medication, which always puts me on edge because the adjustment period, for lack of a better word, sucks. She recommended that I see a perinatologist (An OB that specializes in high-risk pregnancies) on top of the OB that I was already seeing when I first found out I was pregnant. I chose my OB because she specialized in Thyroid conditions, so I was comfortable just sticking with my OB (who I absolutely love!) and talking to her about my concerns.

Anyway, my endocrinologist wants to get right back on track once I have the baby, and resume tests and treatments immediately. This seriously just makes me so upset . But what choice do I have? I'm just so glad that I have my family and friends that are so supportive, and have already said that they're going to help out with taking care of the baby. I seriously get teary-eyed when I think about going into isolation after radiation, and being away from my newborn baby='( I really don't want to miss anything! On top of all of this, there's a controversial theory that states that cancer grows more rapidly during pregnancy. My doctor also informed me that women with my condition have a higher risk of gestational diabetes. I take my glucose test next week, wish me luck!

There! I feel a little better. After you go through tribulations in life (like everyone else), you learn quickly the things that tend to alleviate the pain, and help snap you out of it.The two things that usually help me:

Working out and food.

So I went from Kickboxing and Tough Mudder, to walking on a treadmill and kegel excercises. Not as exciting, but at least I get to wear these again:

I had my pandora station set on Florence and the Machine, and had my book to accompany my one-hour walk on the treadmill this morning.

Watermelon was what I was craving today, but I was so tempted to just get a spoonful of nutella (But I didn't! Especially after finding out that bit about gestational diabetes).

I also talked it out with my parents, sisters, and of course Yosuke. It always helps. Thanks for putting up with me, I know I can be a cry-baby.

Such a long post, but it helps me make sense of things, and helps keep my sanity. Don't get me wrong, I know I am really fortunate in so many other ways, and I have to stay positive and just do what I have to do (for myself and my baby)!

Have a good day!